Wednesday, February 27, 2008

James Braly and the Undead

If you've got the time, go up to 59E59 Street Theaters and check out James Braly's Life in a Marital Institution. We're not connected to it in anyway, just saw it last summer in Edinburgh and hung with James a lot in the bar. Funny, funny guy. Strange and funny one-man show, all about his actual life. It's directed by the inimitable Hal Brooks and Hal knows exactly what he's doing up there under the lights. I'm interested in seeing if its gotten any tighter since August, it was great but a little shaggy. Anyway, there's the tip.

So we're watching the debate last night and our collective jaw dropped. Deep weirdness on Senator Clinton's part. Saturday Night Live? What? The only four people who still watch SNL must be Clinton's advisors. And that must be all they do. What the hell was that move about?

Ten minutes into the thing, I write down the only six words Obama should listen to:

Walk Away.

Fight McCain.

And Win.

It's the old political saw: If you've already won, you can't win. So stop fighting and move on. If you're twenty points ahead in a state, you stop contesting that state and move to a place where you're close. Obama is rising every day and every time he gets into any kind of scrap with Clinton, he just starts stalling. Walk away, Senator. All she can do is try to wrestle you, hoping she'll poke an eye out or at least get some mud on you or anything. That's all she's got left. So walk away.

And I'm sure Obama's advisors are saying something along the lines of:

You must kill her, my son. Five times. She is a Clinton. They do not die. You must separate the head from the body, drive a stake through the heart of the body, rub the whole thing with garlic and soak for four hours in holy water. And even then, don't ever turn your back on it. She is Clinton. She will rise again.

Like I've said over and over, publicly, privately and telepathically, I love me some Hilary. She'd be a great President and she is a great Senator and I think she's a great person. But this year something else is going on. Right now, Obama seems to have it locked if he just keeps his cool and some crazy shit from his past doesn't bob up out there. But never count out a Clinton. They are the vampires of the political world.

Like, in a good way.


Rose said...

It would be quite interesting to see your supernatural destruction kit for the likes of The Clinton amidst other evils. I wonder what a rogues gallery of that type would look like. Suggestions Ann?

John said...

Ah, The Clinton vs. the Bones and the Skull of Family Bush vs. the Whittier Nixonian Ghost and the Mad Grinning Gipper of Death.

The Shit gets deep fast down those roads, children, and the Detours are worse than the Path.

Ann said...

"Mad Grinning Gipper of DEATH" would look great on a tshirt, don't you think? We could sell them at the museum.

The thing about supernatural destruction kits, Rose, is that the only really effective ones are the ones that can be cobbled together with materials at hand. Does Obama have people on his staff capaple of quickly sharpening a "Vote CHOICE" sign into a stake? Do they know which passages from "The Audacity of Hope" can be quoted to keep a political foe from rising as one of the undead? Do they understand that certain types of vodka can sub in for holy water in a pinch?

I'm fairly sure they do. Stephen King's a big fan, I hear...

Rose said...

Lol! Super awesome Ann. I will DEFINITELY call you when faced with an army of evil zombie/vampire clintonites (cousins to the deadites). And yes, I would wear a Mad Grinning Gipper of Death shirt any day. Especially if it's splashed with the unnatural blood of the damned. (I've actually had nightmares where I've used trash can lids and fire pokers in a pinch to kill zombies. Now if only I could try that out for myself at the Democratic convention I'd be in hog heaven). And to further nerdify myself, I'm SURE that Obama has a Buffy-the-vampire-slayer-style "Giles" character by his side reminding him how to do training montages and use fancy pens to poke out the eyes of the dead. Do you think he has neat digs under his suits so that he can rip his shirt off and kick ass in spandex?

dave said...

i think Obama's advisors are doing exactly what you said they should do, johnny. he takes no bait that he shouldn't (the clip of her and the "choir of angels"), he tells her when she's right, he points out the bullshit that's important but just in a sentence without any "now i gotcha" exapansory glee. like m. dowd, said- he remains comfortably in his skin while she jumps out of hers.
what gets me about her is what is referred to over here as her "mirthless cackle". she uses it in a vain attempt to convince us that the question she was just asked is a mere trifle, a classic new chestnut to be told round the hearth after she's president. when actually they are real questions. like "you're campaign has strongly suggested that your husband will be an important part of your administration. how do you react to the idea that some people feel a little uncomfortable about the idea of co-presidency?"

mirthless cackle.
head thrown back.
calculated show of teeth.

what a knee slapper!
you slay me, Hill!

and yes, the SNL bit was stunningly weird and embarrassing.

no need for BHO to slay her, she's doing just fine.

John said...

The Dowd comment is perfect.

Now that's a pro: boil it down to a truthful sentence that everyone can understand.

Lula said...

Well written article.