Fellow homo sapiens!
I greet you with great joy on this, the glorious day of her birth! Some years ago, a child was born to us and lo, she grew to become Nancy Eileen Walsh and she dwells among us! We who know her bountiful goodness give thanks this day for her awesomeness and full-on rockingness. Yea, she rocks.
Bring forth the gifts and prizes! Cash is always in good taste! Let there be brunches and Bloody Marys and other such enjoyments!
As is our hallowed custom, we shall celebrate and be festive for at least one full week, starting on this, the actual day.
I wish all of you the joy of knowing such a human and entreat all of you to praise her and call her on this, the glorious day, since most people forget because its such an awful time to have a birthday!
May the joy and peace of whatnot shine forever in your heart.