Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I know it's going to be serious and close in November and I know that we, the all-knowing electorate, have voted dangerous clowns into office before (Ron Reagan and Bush the Lesser in my lifetime alone), but man.
This is just too much fun.
Who are our lucky contestants this go-round, Johnny?
Newt, the Man of Ideas. Except for the fact that every single idea he's ever had turned out to be wrong.
It's like holding up Rube Goldberg as a visionary inventor.
Herman Cain, who has managed to become a parody of Donald Trump, which I frankly thought was well beyond the realm of the possible.
Rick Perry, he whom the Texas wags for years have called "Bush without the brains."
Don't think I can do any better than that.
Michelle Bachmann, who would be a very real threat, she's actually a working politician and she seems whip-smart, except for the fact that she also seems to be seriously bat-shit crazy. And is anyone really ready to listen to that voice for four more minutes, let alone four more years? It's a small thing, but these little things matter when you're casting the Lead.
Ron Paul, the only intellectually honest guy on the stage, maybe in office.
Personally, I like the Department of Education and Energy and Commerce and the idea of someone inspecting my food and fixing the highways and making sure planes don't crash into each other up above my head, but if you don't, Ron's your man.
I'd actually vote for the guy if there were only a time machine that would take me back 160 years to a time when we were a largely agrarian republic with very little commerce or involvement with the rest of the world.
Nah. I'd probably just go back to Hill Valley in the 50s and crash the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, see if I can help out Doc and Marty. That looks like a lot of fun.
Look it up.
And that leaves the Mittbot 2012.
The saddest cyborg I know. Gamely grinning and shaking hands all day and then going home at night, sitting down in a dark room with his programmers and wailing in his robot woe:
Why don't they like me? What is my design flaw this time? I thought you made me perfect!
And the programmers, baffled and guilty, try to blame each other while half-heartedly comforting their telegenic creation.
Like I said, anyone of these folks could conceivably win it. Well, not Santorum or Paul, but anyone else. People vote their wallet, goes the old saw, and our wallets are mostly stuffed with maxed credit cards and food stamps these days.
But the cyborg don't play in Iowa, which means the circus isn't leaving town for a while yet. Before it gets serious and until more than 10% of the electorate is even paying attention, I'm just going to enjoy the hell out of this.