Wednesday, March 07, 2012
looks like we're having a tampa tantrum
Time for a little politics, kids.
Been awhile, what with all of the excellent LIT Fund news to crow about. More of that soon, you can bet on it, things are moving along nicely, but last night we had the big Super Tuesday knockdown and dragout and your trusty cub reporter was right there on the couch with a tall vodka and lemonade, watching every twitch and burn.
After about eight billion dollars spent, tens of thousands of hours in airports and limos and town halls and living rooms, hundreds of misstatements, stunning gaffes and outright lies, pretty much nothing has changed.
Nobody loves the Mittbot.
That's one sad, misunderstood, rich cyborg. All he wants is unquestioned sovereignty over the humans for four years, it's what he was programmed to do, for god's sake, and no one will throw him a hug.
Newt is going nowhere and he's going there alone.
As long as Casino Jack keeps sending the checks, the Pillsbury Doughboy from Hell is going to continue to pretend to be running for the nomination. What he's actually doing is becoming an enduring and strangely compelling mystery:
Does he realize he's speaking out loud and into a microphone and it's all being recorded?
Is he aware that President Obama is not Abraham Lincoln and he himself is not Stephen Douglas? And if not, does it matter to him that although Douglas won that election and continued on as the Senator from Illinois, Lincoln became President only two years later?
Any of this ringing any bells in that big old melonhead of yours?
And finally, just because we have to look at her all the time, what is up with the Moon Queen's hair?
Then there's the Former Senator and Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter from Pennsylvania, Mr. Santorum.
He thinks he can win this thing and he might be right.
He's starting to scare me in a real way. A true-believer can never be counted out.
And don't forget Uncle Ron.
Even though everyone wants to. He's coming to Tampa and he's going to be holding some cards, guaranteed.
So, everyone in at this point. Not a single electable candidate in the pack, but remember P.T. Barnum's advice: never underestimate the stupidity of the American public.
We do all right one on one but as a mob we can make some very dumb calls.